Syren: A Parody
by Wolf of Silver Dawn
Summary: From the author who brought you It Continues, Oh, Crap, and Guardians of Lesper'ah, comes the latest comedy of the season: a parody of the latest book, Syren! Everything's messed up in this fantasy world. Rated T for, uh...language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Good grief, Mija's started another story?! You'd think she'd learn by now that people hate it when she slacks off and just starts a million stories she never finishes. But this...this was a stroke of inspiration I started writing in seventh period Language Arts the other day. Seeing as you people liked "Oh, Crap", you should enjoy this as well.  
This is in a movie setting, that is it's like a script, and I've cut a million things out that I found boring.  
There are two Jennas, Jenna1 and Jenna2. The first is my friend Cyan's fursona, the second is the Jenna we know. Mija is my fursona, and Moon is Claire's. Clash is my fictional cousin. He is a little bit weird in the head.**

**NOTE: This story will contain a lot of swearing. If you are sensitive to that, I suggest you click the back button.  
**

**With that said, let us begin the parody!**

**

* * *

**

**Mija: Me**

**Moon: Claire**

**Jenna1: Cyan**

**Clash: A fictional character**

**MMJ: Everyone but Clash**

**All: Everyone**

**

* * *

**

Septimus: Ohit'ssuchaprettydayoutsideoohit's11:00inthemorningandI'malreadyonsugarhighanewrecord—

Moon: He was sleeping _in_ and it's 11:00?!

Jenna1: Obviously not a normal teenager.

Mija: Too true.

House Mouse: For the love of god, shut up and take this *&$^ note.

Septimus: Hey, you're supposed to be nice and bring me stuff!

House Mouse: I do one for free, pal. You want the other, you have to pay.

Septimus: *sigh* Here's five bucks. Go buy something.

House Mouse: YAY!

Septimus: I've got an appointment with Marcia?

Mija: Better start writing your will, buddy.

* * *

Septimus: Marcia?

Marcia: Yeah, yeah, get your arse in here.

Jenna1: Here come the fireworks.

Septimus: I got your note, Marcia.

Marcia: No duh, genius. Apparently you haven't forgotten how to read.

Moon: Strike one.

Septimus: So what do you need? Cause I wanted to take Spit Fyre and—

Marcia: Don't bitch to me.

Mija: Strike two.

Marcia: I wanted to give you these purple stripe thingies that symbolize your senior apprenticeship, blah blah blah—

Septimus: _Yadda yadda oh sweet Jesus make her shut u_—WHAT?!

Jenna1: Strike three.

Septimus: STRIPES!! THEY'RE SO SHIIIIIIIINY!!!!

Clash: Let's call the mental facility.

Mija: For you, or him?

Moon: How about both?

Clash: *growls*

Marcia: Take them and go, I have to go shopping.

Septimus: Why are you shopping?

Marcia: Well, duh, we've almost run out of Red Tail Ale.

Septimus: …

All: …

Septimus: …see you, then. *runs away*

Mija: Sad.

* * *

Septimus: Hmmm de hmmm, off on Spit Fyre, I wonder how the others are doing? Gosh, it's getting kind of chilly out.

Spit Fyre: Oh, sure, Mr. Geez-I-Think-It's-Cold-Out-Guess-I'll-Turn-The-Heat-Up-A-Notch. Meanwhile, I slowly freeze outside, my spirit dying as my body goes colder and colder before I finally fall in a sea of ice.

All: …

Mija: He sounds like Clash.

Clash: Can it.

Mija: Oooh, are we being snappy-wappy?

Clash: I said SHOVE OFF.

Jenna1: No, you said "Can it."

Clash: *pissed*

Jenna1: …nobody likes a literalist.

Mija: It's okay. You're still our friend.

Barney: Hey, you, kid on the dragon! I've got to give you this Safe-Charm thingy! And I have to hurry, otherwise Plaid Pantry will run out of smokes.

All: …

Mija: How can he like smoking?

Clash: Tried it once, couldn't get that taste out of my mouth.

Moon: Revolting.

Jenna1: Yep.

All: …

Septimus: AAAH! NO!! I'M NOT TAKING YOUR PIECE OF CRAP, YOU FREAKING LITTLE RAT BASTARD!

Barney: Good $#&*, you stupid kid, please take this &%#%*$ note before I whack you over the head with a mallet.

Mija: I wonder where he got the mallet.

Barney: They've got them half price at Home Depot.

Clash: Oh, I've GOT to—

Mija: No shopping, dearest cousin, we're working on a parody.

Clash: *grumble*

Septimus: AAAH! MALLETS! *flies away*

All: …

Barney: …

Barney: ^%$#.

* * *

**If you really want to know, I can tell you each swear word I kindly decided to bleep out, in order.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, here I go with the second chapter.**

**New Guide:**

**Mija: My fursona, the dog who is slightly insane and a genius at the same time. (-- my arrogance acting up right there.)**

**Moon: My friend Claire's fursona, the cat who is somewhat calmer than the others but still insane.**

**Jenna1: My friend Cyan's fursona, a dog who is completely insane. (She's gonna kill me for saying that).**

**Clash: My slightly emo, slightly crazy FICTIONAL cousin. That means he doesn't exist in real life.**

**MMJ: Mija, Moon, and Jenna1.**

**MJC: Moon, Jenna1, and Clash.**

**All: The four of us.**

**Everyone: Everyone in that scene.**

**Sisters: Moon and Jenna1.**

**Again, Jenna1 is Cyan. Jenna2 is the human Jenna in the series.  
**

**RGiaGJ: Occurs later. Abbreviation for "Random Guy in a Gay Jacket". NOTE: I AM NOT AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY. I JUST RANDOMLY CALL THINGS GAY.  
**

**New Stuff: I now refer to myself as "I" or "Me" when referring to the person who is typing the story. Whereas Mija is the person in the story. But we are the same and both of us will think and interact.**

**My friend Cyan has my book right now, so if the warehouse number isn't right, you know why.  
**

**With that, let's continue.  
**

* * *

Aunt Zelda: %$#%&*^ kid….

Wolf Boy (or 409): O_O She swore…

Aunt Zelda: You heard nothing, you lost, twisted, poor child.

409: O_.

Mija: Is that face even possible?

Jenna1: Was this part even in the book?

Mija: Well put. Cut the crap, moving on….

* * *

Septimus: It's a pretty day…

Spit Fyre: Aww, &^#$! I was going to meet the guys to play online poker at 8:00…

All: -_O

Moon: Yay for impossible faces!

Septimus: I'm hungry; let's see what Marcia packed in these bags…ooh, yay, my laptop!

Spit Fyre: Will wherever we're going have grounded electrical outlets and free Wi-Fi? I can't afford to pay; I'm a freaking dragon.

Septimus: -obviously can't hear Spit Fyre speaking-

Spit Fyre: -hates being ignored-

Spit Fyre: -light's Septimus' shirt on fire-

Septimus: OW!!

Mija: -pushes him off of Spit Fyre to cuddle the dragon-

Other Three: O_O

I: -am really not that perverted-

Mija: That didn't happen. REWIND!

I: -pretend to delete all that I just typed-

Mija: -can't tell-

Everyone Else: -can-

I: -am giggling madly-

I: -start singing Chicken Fried by Zac Brown Band-

All: -put in earplugs to block out my terrible singing-

I: -did NOT just diss myself via computer screen-

Septimus: Hey, look, biscuits!

Everyone: -loves biscuits-

All: -magically go to the store and return magically with fresh, hot, magical biscuits-

I: -am on sugar high-

Clash: -chows on biscuit- Everyone thinks I'm an emo, sensitive, stuck-up, arrogant snob! –cries-

Biscuits: -apparently contain some kind of drug-

I: -am getting very off track-

I: -start singing to Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas, which is one of the only hip-hop songs I like-

Earplugs: -are wearing out-

All: -buy some more-

Spit Fyre: -hears a catchy song on his iPod and starts dancing midair-

Spit Fyre: _But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers, dreamin' about the day when you wake up and find, that what you're looking for has been here the whole time…_

All, including Septimus, who can now magically hear his dragon: O_.

Jenna1: Dude, that's disturbing.

Mija: I actually kinda like that song. However, it's not exactly "Spit Fyre", per se…

Moon: Do you even know what that means?

Mija: No.

Septimus: -almost gets thrown off by Spit Fyre's "dancing"-

Septimus: WAREHOUSE THREE! Or was it four…

Mija: I loaned my book to Jenna.

Jenna1: -flips through book-

Jenna1: I won't tell you.

Everyone Else: I hate you.

Jenna1: -smiles sweetly-

Septimus: -looks around at all the people in gay-ass jackets- Dude, that's mental. HEY, YOU! IN THE GAY JACKET!

Random Guy in a Gay Jacket: Buh?

Septimus: -thinks that the RGiaGJ has hearing problems- I… -points at self- …am looking for… -does the I'm-watching-you thing- …a bunch of people… -points fingers at random people- …that are two teenage girls and two teenage guys, one of each of which I think are hitting on each other.

Moon: He would really talk about his brother like that?

Mija: His brother? I thought he was talking about…

Mija: -is cut off by the O_o s everyone else is doing-

Mija: I said nothing.

I: -am listening to Monster by Skillet-

Mija: God, I love that song. And I haven't even known it for more than 6 hours.

Sisters: Never heard of it…

Clash: Yeah, I love it too.

Mija: -high-fives Clash- Great and somewhat delusional minds think alike, eh?

Clash: Yarr yarr de harr—what?

Sisters: Hee hee.

Jenna1: But back to the original subject…they're hitting on each other?

Mija: No duh, genius. Think of it: she followed him, he chased after her, they depended on each other for who-knows-how-long, they're the same age…they're like, made for each other.

Moon: They're fictional characters, O Smart One. Of course they were made for each other. That's why Skye had them have three kids.

Clash: What three kids?

Marcus, Nora, and Silas from It Continues: -come racing though, throwing confetti and holding a streamer that says "Us, you ^#^&!"-

Clash: Ah.

RGiaGJ: They went to a big boat in warehouse nine, I think.

Septimus: Okay, thanks.

Everyone: -flies off on the magical dragon to warehouse nine-

_About five hours, 15 energy drinks, and 20 cookies later…_

Mija: OMGWTFLMAOROTFLJKLOLBRBCAKE!

Jenna1: HAHAHAI'MTEXTINGARANDOMDUDEFROMFRANCE! SAYHIIIIIIIIII, EVERYONE!

Everyone: **HIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Spit Fyre: Good God, as if they weren't hyper enough already…

Moon: IISCANHAVEAMUFFINPLZ!

MMJ: _DO DA MUFFIN, DA MUFFIN, SHAKEY SHAKE DE MUFFIN, AH AH OOH, DA DA DA MUFFIN _–whistle whistle whistle whistle- _DA DA DA MUFFIN!!!_

Clash: -grabs random plushie- HUGGLES! IISLIKEIESTREESANRAINBOWSANBADGRAMMARS!!!

Everyone who is still sane: O_O

Mija: That's not Clash. That's a robot.

Clash: -in robotic voice- I-am-a-robot. I-do-unspeakable-things. I-am-made-of-an-Xbox-360. Skye-is-ripping-off-Ctrl-Alt-Del.

Me: No I'm not! Well, maybe a little.

I: -am listening to Pretty Girl by Sugarcult- I think this fit's Jenna (not my friend) and Merrin's relationship.

Everyone: O_.

Me: Oh, sure, shun the MerrinxJenna supporter.

Everyone: -falls down in dead faints-

Mija: Time to check their pockets for money! And candy. And more energy drinks.

Everyone: -hastily scrambles up- WE'RE UP! WE'RE UP!

* * *

Guard: Kid, I'm going to have you read this rule poster for absolutely no reason at all, because that dragon could easily fry me to a crisp if I pissed you off.

Septimus: Okay.

Septimus: -reads- Done.

Guard: Don't mess with me, smart-ass.

Guard: -gets fried by Spit Fyre-

Septimus: Good boy! Here's some free football tickets.

Spit Fyre: WOOHOO!!

Me: What? I don't get free football tickets?

Septimus: -sighs- -hands over some tickets to me-

Me: -cheers loudly-

Moon: Skye only likes sports because she can pig out for a good reason.

Mija: Shut it.

Jenna1: Skye also has multiple personalities.

Mija & Me: We resent that.

* * *

Septimus: -blinks- -recalls the night before-

Clash: Wait for it...

Septimus: AMG I LEFT SPIT FYRE ON THE BEACH! &^%$#$#%^$$#!!!

Mija: Ah, the pellet drops!

MCJ: O_O

Mija: I've been rereading Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Right now I'm on book three. I love the Rogue Smith of Silverveil, she's so bloody awesome!

Clash: She cusses a lot.

Mija: Like we don't.

Clash: Very true.

Septimus: -gets out of bed, not bothering to change out of his pajamas, and magically runs into the human Jenna-

Septimus: -should be really embarrassed- JEN! I THINK THEY TOWED MY DRAGON!

Jenna2: Dude, they just moved him on the boat. Chill.

Septimus: -panic disappears, embarrassment sets in- GOTTAGOBYE!

Septimus: -gets dressed-

All: -turn away politely, though we still jabber on-

Me: Sigh…

Clash: Skye is worried about her friend, who now is torn between two boy's affections, though one already asked her friend out, so they are now dating, and the other boy is heartbroken and depressed. He is also pissed at Skye and her other friends Stella and Sophie.

Me: Clash, they didn't need to know that.

Clash: Yes, they did. In fact, I'm going to tell them about last summer, when you—

Me: Clash eats babies.

Sisters: Fat bastard!

Septimus: You guys haven't even seen Austin Powers.

Mija: That quote is way too cool to pass up.

MJC: -nod-

Septimus: I'm going to go see my other friends now, come on guys.

Beetle: Hey, Sep!

Septimus: Hey, dude, what's—what the HELL are you wearing?!

Beetle: Uh, a jacket.

Clash: He's wearing one of those gay-ass jackets that Septimus commented on earlier.

Mija: I think he's…

Mija: -gets interrupted by mind reading squirrels-

Squirrels: Skye thinks that Beetle will ask Jenna out. Then she strays from reality into her upcoming story Nightmares, where Beetle will get captured when he turns 16 and will be turned into a hate-filled monster, and—

Mija: -tosses squirrels off the set-

Everyone except Beetle, who fainted: ._O

Skye: -erases those two spoiler sentences from the character's minds-

Beetle: -wakes up-

Septimus: Dude, you look like a complete *#^% fool.

Beetle: And yet I _feel_ like a total _stud_.

Everyone: O_O

Moon: Skye's ripping off Get Fuzzy now. Honestly.

Me: That quote was perfect, and you know it.

Jenna1: -glances up- Skye, you just wasted 11 pages with parody.

Mija: I know, isn't it AWESOME?!

Moon: Can we wrap this up, plz?

Me: Soitenly.

Every single cast member: -waves goodbye-

* * *

**Another A/N: Well, how ya like that? It took 2 hours, be grateful.**

**What did I rip off? Well, I think I did Ctrl-Alt-Del (a web comic), Garfield, which you probably know, Austin Powers (a movie I have never seen, strangely), and Get Fuzzy, which may be in your local newspaper.**

**The song Spit Fyre sings is You Belong With Me, by Taylor Swift. The songs my friends and I sing and mention are Chicken Fried by the Zac Brown Band, Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas, The Muffin Song by I don't know, Monster by Skillet, and Pretty Girl by Sugarcult.  
**

**And yes, I am worried about my friend right now.**

**Until next time, reviews are lovee,**

**Skye or Mija (I do have multiple personalities XD)**

**EDIT: If you're reading this on Saturday the seventh of November, happy 7 Day!**

**That's right, I made up my own holiday. It celebrates the awesomeness of the number that is 7.**

**So today, I will be doing all the things I like. That involve 7. I may buy a cake with a number seven candle in it.**

**If you wish to celebrate 7 Day in your own city, town, household, wherever, just find a 7 image, slap it on a shirt, and parade your pride of #7.**

**7 day will be celebrated on the 7th of every month.**

**With that said, everyone have a wonderfully incredible 7 Day! ^^  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I got a brainflash and decided to update...  
Sorry for the short chapter, I wanted to end at a good point, and my friend's still got my copy of Syren, so either I didn't stretch it out long enough or I forgot some stuff D:

* * *

**

Septimus: I wonder what we're doing for dinner…

Milo: -coincidentally jumps in- We are dressing up in tuxes and prom dresses and eating disgusting food from who-knows-where on the deck where everyone can see us, while I talk about embarrassing points in others lives and recall stories that everyone has heard 15 times already!

Septimus: -faints-

Mija: This should be interesting.  


* * *

Milo:…and then I was all like, "Bam, take that!" and he was all…

MJC: SNOOORE…

Mija: You know something's boring when the parodiers fall asleep.

Me: I actually fell asleep while reading it.

Clash: Yeah, right.

Moon: NO ONE will be seated during the INTENSE argument scene!

Me: I started reading the book at 9:00, then read it until 11:00, then I went back to re-read the funny and -cough- INTREIGING parts.

Jenna1: She means the parts when—

Mija: -puts gag in Jenna's mouth- There we go.

Jenna1: Mmmf, mmf, mmmf.

Mija: Personal threats will not be tolerated.

Clash: Pearls Before Swine rip off….

Me: Shut up.

Septimus: You guys are much more fun to listen to than Milo's endless "Tales of Glory". I think he got most of these from that book he's reading under the table.

Mija: Let me see. -goes under table and grabs book- -reads- Yup. All ripoffs. -to Milo- YOU'RE A RIPOFF!

Milo: My character, or what I'm saying?

Mija: What you're saying.

Jenna1: If there was another Milo somewhere, that'd be one book I wouldn't read.

Mija: You don't read that much anyway. And how'd the gag get off?

Jenna1: I…don't know…

Me: It wasn't my incredible author powers, I promise.

Jenna2: Milo, I can't take this. I'm going to secede from the family.

Milo: -sputters- WHAT?!

Jenna2: Well, you're a boring old geezer like 1, and your wife is dead.

Milo: I am not a geezer! Wait a minute…who's 1?

Jenna1: Mija invited the cast of kid characters to a private showing of 9. They loved it.

Mija: -giggles drunkenly-

Everyone: ???

Mija: It was fun. We got like fifteen things of popcorn and three extra large cokes for everyone. Course, we had to keep going to the bathroom, but still. And when anyone died that we didn't like, we would throw popcorn into the air and scream: "HE'S DEAD!" or "IT'S DEAD!" Oh, and when 7 first appeared, I played some loud trumpet music and we all cheered, "IT'S 7!!!!!"

Septimus: We even got the whole thing on videotape on Mija's iPhone.

Mija: -brings out iPhone- This is what we were all saying at that one really funny part:

On iPhone

Jenna2: Eww, is that a real hand?

Septimus: I think it's from one of those limbless statues over there.

Mija: He's going to--

Jenna2, Septimus, Nicko, Snorri, Beetle: DON'T SPOIL IT!

Mija: -grumbles-

Nicko: What's he doing?

Septimus: Magnet crack.

Mija: -falls over laughing-

Snorri: So he's getting high off the magnet? How does that work?

Mija: You seriously want to get technical?

Snorri: No. Rhetorical question.

Metal Monster: -takes 8 away-

Everyone in theater: YAAAAAAAAY!!! SO LONG, 8, WE NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!!!! -throws popcorn-

Off iPhone

Jenna1: It was a bit louder than our responses.

Moon: I'll say. But we did practically fall over laughing.

Mija: -singing- IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M GETTING THE MOVIE FOR CHRIIIIISTMAS!!

Sisters: I WANNA GET IT TOO!

Clash: I never saw it…

Mija: -hands over movie tickets- Here, go entertain yourself for two chapters.

Clash: WOOHOO! -leaves to go to theater-

Spit Fyre: -wakes up- Mmm, is that food I smell?

Milo: No, this is not food.

Spit Fyre: Do you think I'm stupid, or you trying to be funny?

MMJ: Yes.

Spit Fyre: -eats everything on the table, including the plates and drinking glasses, including the tablecloth, including Milo who was hanging on to the tablecloth- -just kidding-

Septimus, Beetle, Nicko, Snorri, Jenna2: YEAH, GO SPIT FYRE! HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!

Spit Fyre: No autographs, please! But pictures are fine!

MMJ: -clicks camera multiple times-

Milo: -grumble-  


* * *

Septimus: Come on, Spit Fyre, we're leaving.

Beetle: -mumbles- Good riddance…

Septimus & Beetle: -climb onto Spit Fyre-

Septimus: You're sure you won't come, Jen?

Jenna2: No, I've suddenly decided I'd like to get out of this suck-shack. -climbs on dragon-

Spit Fyre: I have a name, you know. -points script-

Milo: You guys should wait for morning…that way we can have a wonderful breakfast!

Three kids and MMJ: -faints-

Milo: -grumbles- Good luck.

Septimus: -to Nicko and Snorri- Have fun, suckers.

Me: Yeah, they're going on a romantic cruise to a deserted island with palm trees, casinos, the works, I'd go with them, you two.

Jenna1: Romantic?

Me: Hell yeah.

…

Moon: You're thinking about Ryan, aren't you?

Mija & Me: NO WE'RE NOT! I mean, uh, nope, not at all, zip, zilch, nada, zero.

Jenna1: And when you hear that, it translates as "Oh yes, oh yes, I *&%$ing am!!"

Mija: -looks up page- We hardly swore at all in this chapter.

Me: It's okay, guys, I'll have you swear a lot in the next chapter.

MMJ: YAY!!

Spit Fyre: Will we just %$#&ing finish this up already?!

Me: Fine, fine.

Spit Fyre: -takes off-

* * *

**A/N: Again, short. And I spent most of it talking about 9 D: But that seriously was a good movie. And I am getting it for Christmas.**

Truthfully, when Mcpooky and I saw it, I leaned over and asked one of them, "Is that like alcohol?" and she replied, "He's getting high off the magnet."  
Two words: I lawled.  
Anyway, until next time, reviews are lovee,  


**Skye/Mija/10  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I decided to buckle down and get this finished.**

Mija: Boy, it's getting windy out. Luckily, I magically got a pilot's license and we can fly in my plane!

Sisters: …

Mija: Yeah, I lied. Guess we have to tough this out.

Septimus: You think you have problems--

Sisters: Yes.

Mija: Shut it.

Septimus: --I'm the one who's trying to fly us through the storm!

Spit Fyre: No credit for the ^#*% dragon, of course.

Moon: Pay no attention to the water balloon.

Water Balloon: -gets stared at- -explodes on Septimus' face-

Moon: -singsong- I tooooooold youuuu!!

Septimus: -grumble-

Jenna2: I'm cold.

Beetle: I--

Mija: Don't, Beetle. Just…don't.

Beetle: -grumble-

Septimus: I sense awkwardness.

Beetle: -whistles loudly-

Silence: -does it's job-

Silence: Hey, I've got a &#^ing huge part in this (*&^^%^ show, so I expect to ^$$%ing be paid more, ^%%#$.

Silence: -is promptly discarded for Moon speaking-

Moon: Hey, Skye, is there a limit as for how many fursonas you can have in one fanfic?

Me: I don't think so, why do you ask?

10: Hi!

Everyone except Mija: HIIIIIII!!!

Mija: -sputters- I--you--not--GET OUT OF THIS PARODY!!

10: -smug- I can't leave unless the author kicks me out, in which I shall return! Oh, I found a really weird pairing! Wanna hear?

Mija: You're forgetting that we're the same, so I already know. And it's not going to happen, I just built it up for tension.

Sisters: TELL!! TELL!!

Spit Fyre: Holy %$#, will you screaming girls just leave a poor guy alone for a &^$#$ing second??!!

Moon: You weren't kidding about the swearing thing you said last chapter.

Jenna1: -singsong- Swearing is FUN!!

Sisters: But anyway…TELL!! TELL!! TELL!!

Me: Fine, but the audience can't hear…-whispers into Moon and Jenna1's ears-

Sisters: 8[

Mija: But it doesn't happen. It's just implied.

Sisters: -breathe sigh of relief-

Moon: Thank god, because that is just disturbing.

Mija: I have him change, you know. He's not unfriendly, he's just kind of quiet, and he's really buff, too.

Sisters: o_o?

10: When he's a dog, he's buff.

Mija: Why the %$#* are you still here?!

Me: Because I haven't kicked her off yet.

Beetle: -cough- Off topic…

Mija: Of course! Continuing on the epic journey of our 13-year-old friends--or are they 12?--and Spit Fyre as they battle their way through a vicious storm.

Moon: Film at 11:00.

Jenna1: The big cameras.

Mija: I support 4x6.

Sisters: ???

Jenna1: -singsong- 4 x 6 is 24!!!

Moon: Mija, you're getting weirder every chapter.

Mija: I do! Is there a problem with that?!

Septimus: Well, 6 is a psycho, and 4 can't speak.

Mija: Not in The Never Ending Frat Party!!

Jenna1: -facepalm- Please stop advertising your fics…

10: The Final Hero comes out soon, featuring me, me and more of me! Oh, and those other characters.

Sisters: -tackle Mija and 10-

Beetle: I think I'm falling asleep…

Septimus: Just don't fall off the dragon, &^$#.

Beetle: ZZZ…drool, that's hawt…

Everyone but him: -_-'

Mija: I know what he's thinking, and I don't like it. In fact, it is making me sick. -throws up over side-

Barf: -conveniently hits that sailor dude-

Evil Sailor Dude Who's Name Escapes Me: What the ^%#?! Aw, son of a &*^%#!!

His Kid: O.O

Evil Sailor Dude: Whatcha looking at, ^%#$??!!

Kid: o_o

Mija: BLUSHINGPLZ!!

Jenna2: Hey, look, it's a beam! Or is it two beams? And are those ears?

Mija: You'll find out the moment it or they strike you about the head.

Moon: -smacks Mija's head- Not that kind of beam, idiot. Light beams.

Mija: -rubs head- Well, she could have been a bit more specific.

Septimus: AUGH!! LIGHTNING!

Jenna1: Oh great. FIRST YOU'RE AFRAID OF PEOPLE, THEN YOU'RE AFRAID OF OLD GUYS, THEN YOU'RE AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, NOW YOU'RE AFRAID OF LIGHTNING??!!

Moon: -pats Jenna1's back- It's okay, it's okay.

Jenna1: -sobs- But he's so irritating!

10: Yes, fears can be quite irritating.

Silence: -is awkward-

MMJ: YOU'RE STILL &&%$**^&^&^$$ING HERE??!!

10: God, am I really that annoying?

Me: -kicks her off- No, it's just that the paying for the extra non-story characters is coming out of their budgets.

Septimus: What, not yours?

Me: I have no budget.

Jenna2: That's sad.

Me: -nods- I know.

Lightning: -goes straight through Spit Fyre's wing-

Spit Fyre: OMG HOLY &&^^%!! GODDAMN IT, MY WING &*^&%ING HURTS LIKE HELL!!

Septimus: …crap.

Spit Fyre: I'M CRASHING!!

Everyone: -spirals to the ground, crashes into sand-

Mija: -spits out sand- Wow! Where are we?

Moon: -pokes Septimus- I dunno, but they're all unconscious.

Jenna1: You know what that means, don't you?

Moon: Try and find a good place to shelter in until the storm goes away?

Mija and Jenna1: o_O?

Moon: -rolls eyes- I mean, we should play some ridiculous pranks on them, of course.

Mija: Sounds better. Now where did I put that Silly String?

_10 minutes later…_

Jenna1: -brushes hands together- Looks good, guys.

Mija: I think I got everything…

Moon: The shaving cream may have been a bit much.

Mija: Not more than the TP we honeyed to Spit Fyre.

Jenna1: The refried beans are a nice touch, Moon.

Moon: Why thank you. The legos up the nose are expertly done, Jenna.

Mija: Uh-oh, they're waking up.

MMJ: -hide behind big rock-

Kids: Uhhh…

Spit Fyre: Owww…

All four: -look at each other- AAAA HA HA HA!!! HAW HAW HAW!!

Jenna2: -nasally voice- Septimus, you're covered in--why are there legos up my nose?!

Septimus: -same- You don't look so good yourself.

Beetle: -looks at shirt- AUGH!

Spray Paint on Shirt: -says "I Enjoy Monkeys"-

MMJ: -cracking up-

Kids & Spit Fyre: GUYS!!

MMJ: -come out from behind the rock- You screeched?

Kids & Spit Fyre: DID YOU DO THIS??!!

Jenna1: Who else?

Beetle: I DON'T HAVE ANY SPARE SHIRTS!!

Mija: Yes, but we have paint remover.

Beetle: -gritted teeth- What do you want for the paint remover?

Moon: Your jacket.

Beetle: I thought you hated it.

Jenna1: We want to burn it.

Mija: Like we burned our notebooks at the end of the year last spring?

Moon: Oh, yeah, kids from your school and kids from ours had a big bonfire at the beach. We roasted marshmallows and hot dogs over the burning pages of stuff that we'd never use again.

Jenna1: And then we got to next year and realized that we still needed some of that stuff.

Mija: My friends and I dropped our books when our homeroom teacher said that and yelled, "OH &^$#!!" Nobody else said it, but they were all thinking it.

Sisters: Heh.

Moon: Anyway, fork over the jacket and we'll give you the paint remover.

Beetle: Fine. -hands over jacket, starts sobbing- GOODBYE MY LOVE, I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE TIME SPENT WITH YOU!!! -sobs loudly-

Everyone else: -_-?

Me: Now, what to use to burn it…

10: -magically poofs back, wearing armor this time- You can borrow my flamethrower.

Beetle, Jenna, Septimus: AUGH!!

Me: Calm down, guys, it's just 10.

13: And me!

Everyone but 10, 13, and me: AAAAH!!

Moon: She's got red eyes!! -sobs- They're, like, evilly scary!!

13: -to the tune of the Barbie Girl song- I'm a warrior, in a different world! It's so crazy, I'm amazed! The real world sucks, I like the fandom better--

10: -to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle- Shiny, shiny, my armor's shiny! With flamethrowers and blade ejectors! Don't forget the fact that it's fireproof--

Everyone else: STOP SINGING!!

10 & 13: Hmmph.

Mija: -quietly, to the tune of Bang the Drum All Day- I'm gonna kill the author, bash her face against the wall! Slam it again and again, for she's tortured this poor fic--

Me: -calls the Funny Farm-

Mija: -gets put in a strait-jacket by a few guys- -crazily- They're coming to take me away! The Funny Farm's coming to take me away, they're going to take me away!

Guys: -carry Mija off the set, who is giggling madly-

Sisters: When is she coming back?

Me: I dunno.

10: -sets jacket on fire-

Beetle: NOOO, THE PRECIOUS!!

Moon: Well, we know what he's gonna be for Halloween next year.

Beetle: -falls to knees, sobbing- I'M SORRY, PRECIOUS, I'VE FAILED YOU!! -sobs loudly-

10 & 13: We'll be off, we've got some machines to fry!

Me: Good luck. Oh, tell 9 that 7 likes him.

10: Will do. -puts number into cell phone-

Me: -confused- They've got cell phones?

10: -rolls eyes- Of course they do. Now you can tell him yourself. -holds out phone-

9: -from phone- Hello?

Me: Hey, it's Skye. You know, 10's creator?

9: -from phone- Oh, hey. What's up?

Me: 7 likes you.

9: Really? Cool. I mean, uh, that's weird. Wow, I wasn't expecting that. Ya think… -fades into incoherent mumbling-

Me: Mmm-hmmm. See ya.

9: ..maybe she would--What? Oh, yeah, bye. -hangs up-

Me: -tosses phone to 10- Now you two get out of here.

10 & 13: -vanish-

Septimus: Okay, I think I've got all the stuff off. Now I--OMG! Spit Fyre!!

Spit Fyre: Yeah, now you think of the poor electrocuted dragon. HOLY *&%$!!!

Septimus: That doesn't look good…

Jenna1: Fear not! With the new UltraHealer 3000, you can heal any wound on yourself or another in a matter of seconds! Just apply the balm to the wound and watch it disappear, along with any infections already spreading or other unmentionables! For a limited time only, this amazing stuff can be yours for a meager $299.99! Order UltraHealer 3000 today!

Everyone else: …?

Jenna1: 12 PAGES!!

Me: Okay, okay, we will resume next chapter! Wave goodbye, everyone!!

Everyone: BYYYEEE!!!

**A/N: Weird, quick ending. Ah well.**

**Next chapter will perhaps be a special holiday edition! Yay!**

**Until next time, reviews are love,**

**Mija/10/Skye  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Yes, after about six months **

Mija: -grins insanely- IT PUTS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN.

Septimus: -fiddling with Spit Fyre- Well, that's an interesting way to start the chapter.

Spit Fyre: SHIT THAT HURTS!

Jenna1: -slaps him- DON'T CURSE!

Spit Fyre: -little kid voice-You can't tell me what to do!

Jenna1: -grins evilly-

Camera swings to Mija, Jenna2, Beetle, and Moon.

Mija: -still grinning- STAG'S TEETH. TASTE GOOD WITH PORK. THEY'RE IN LOVE.

Mija cracks up and falls over twitching.

Jenna2: I'm afraid to ask what happened to her.

Moon: It's a long story.

Mija: -running around in a pink skirt- WHY IT'S A WONDERFUL DAY FOR SMILING SUNS!! …S!!

…

Mija: That's Scott. He's a dick.

…

Mija: I'M FEELING—

Beetle: SHUT UP! –crams a smelly fish into her mouth-

Camera swings back to Jenna1 and Spit Fyre.

Spit Fyre: -covered in scratches, stitches and shaving cream- One word…OW.

Septimus: BA DUM KSSH!

Mija: I think this fic needs more people.

Moon: Invite people in.

Mija: Good idea, blond-haired child! Anyone can come into the story now!

…

…

Mija: …I grow sad.

Jenna1: Why, tawny-haired child.

Beetle: Her mum took her Silence of the Lambs books back to the library. Now she's dressing in white and cutting herself.

Mija: WHAT THE HELL??!!?!?!

Beetle: -tard face-

Spit Fyre: I see no difference.

Septimus: BA DUM KSSH!

Moon: -loses it- WHERE AM I?!

Jenna1: On an island…

Mija: Where the unicorns are lemon-flavored…

Spit Fyre: And the purple Fart-in-a-Can dances beneath the light of the moon.

Moon: That's nice. I'm going to go die in a hole now.

Mija: -does the gun-thing with her hand- FBI! PUT ONE HAND BEHIND YOUR HAND AND THE OTHER IN YOUR—

Septimus: -glomps Mija-

Mija: O_O PERVERT.

Septimus: But I thought you—

Mija: PERVERT.

Septimus: I just—

Mija: PERRRVERRRRT. –bites lip—

Beetle: _Feelings, nothing more than feelings,_

_trying to forget my feelings of love._

_Teardrops rolling down on my face,_

_trying to forget my feelings of –_

Mija: -French gasp- BEETLE'S IN LOVE WITH A JACKET.

Jenna1: YOU WERE WRONG.

Beetle: -crying- WOH WOH WOH ……

Septimus: -strangles- MUST…KILL…IRRITATING CHILD…

Beetle: -being strangled- FEE-HEEEEEEEEEEELINGS…

Mija: Did someone sneak crack into his tea again?

Spit Fyre: Beetle drinks tea? –bitchslap-

Jenna1: OH HO HO…not me.

Mija: -I'm watching you-

Moon: I'm not weird, I'm creative!

Mija: BEER.

…

Mija: BEEEEER.

…

Mija: WHOOO LOVES BEER?! WE ALL LOVE BEER! BEER, BEER, BEER, BEER—

Is slapped by Moon.

Septimus: You just got BORRRG slapped, FOO.

…

…

…

Mija: MAMMA MIA. Other way! Empire at War is impossible. First the Empire sucks, then the Rebellion sucks! I think I just killed Han Solo. I have a character named Han. He _might_ be a cannibal. Italian people are really gullible…but they're awesome. I read too many horror/suspense novels. Did you know I'm 12 years old? I started writing when I was 8. I joined FF when I was 9. All my online friends are 12. Except for a few. They're 14 and 17. Gambit's—

Everyone: SHUT UP. –whacks Mija with fish that Toothless licked-

Mija: EWWWWW….TOOTHLESS! 3333

Jenna1: coughcoughBIPOLARcough

Mija slaps her.

Jenna1: BIATCH.

Mija: THAT'S SCOTT. HE'S A DICK. I LIKE SOUTH PARK.

Septimus: OMG! They killed Kenny! You bastards!

Moon: Whatever happened to that censor?

MijaL –picking her teeth- That only works with scenes of extreme violence. Like, for instance, if someone here tried to kiss me.

Boys: O/////////////////////O

Mija: :)

MMJ: _There's no Canada like French Canada, it's the best Canada in the land!_

_Because the other Canada is bush Canada, and that—_

Others: STOP SINGING STUFF FROM SOUTH PARK.

Mija: _It seems today, that all you see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But—_

Spit Fyre: -chars Mija to a crisp-

Septimus: I should totally be asleep by now.

Moon: Same.

Jenna1: AND BING BADDA BOOM, THEY'RE IN LOOOOVE!

Is bitchslapped by Moon.

Mija: I went to a book store today with my dad. We wandered around and he found me near the mystery novels. I was drooling over a book that was all the Silence of the Lambs books in one. He told me I couldn't buy it. He bought me ice cream.

Moon: …fangirl. You're fangirling someone in that series, aren't you?

Mija: NO. Seriously.

Beetle: Suuuuure.

Mija: REALLY! All the main guy characters are old people. That'd be…weird.

Sisters: -nods-

Mija: How do human brains taste?

Others: O_O sweatdrop

Mija: How did I ever draw without Photoshop? It's amazing. I do everything on there.

Septimus: YEAH, BABY!

Mija slaps him.

Beetle: I think we slap each other too much.

Everyone else punches him.

Mija: Septimus is secretly dating—

Is stuffed into a potato sack and thrown into a wheelbarrow.

Mija: -muffled- OMG! BOOKS! –starts drooling—

Moon: Mija, do you have a nickname?

Mija: -muffled- No. Red Dragon was boring, by the way. And there was another guy prancing around nude. Except he was possessed and mentally ill. The main character was dull. Someone had a gall bladder infection. This young guy wanted to marry an old guy. Or maybe I read that sentence wrong…-trails off muttering about cannibals-

Moon: …nevermind.

Spit Fyre: DRAGONS

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Spit Fyre: ARE

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Spit Fyre: THEBESTTHINGSINT –pants-

Jenna2: coughegotistcough

…

Jenna2: Hey! I've hardly spoken at all this chapter!

Mija: -still muffled from potato sack- Fine. What are your thoughts on the relationship between Clarice and Crawford? That's an awesome name. Crawford, Crawford, Crawford, Crawford…-mutters Crawford over and over again-

Jenna2: Who and who?

Mija: I think they liked each other. For a while. Crawford would have cheated on his dead wife.

Jenna2: -_- You read too much.

Mija slaps her.

Jenna2: OH NO YOU DI-NT.

Mija: OH YES AH DID.

Censored sign comes up, camera goes to others.

Moon: Sooo…

Jenna1: Yeah…

Spit Fyre: -points- Beetle eats babies.

Beetle: HEY, THAT LOOKS LIKE A BABY! GET IN MAH BELLY! –glomps random dwarf from Eragon-

Random dwarf: -from inside Beetle's stomach- Genetics, you bitch.

Censored sign goes away

Mija and Jenna2 are very badly wounded.

Mija: DON'T MESS WITH WOLF.

Jenna2: …

Mija: It's my X-Men name! FOOLS.

Sisters: READ MORE COMICS!

Mija stuffs socks in their mouths.

Sisters: -muffled- READ MORE COMICS!!

Mija: I hate racist people. And sexist people. Girls are awesome, okay?! Hunting is stupid. Blink if I'm sexy.

…

Mija: YOU BLINKED. PERVERT.

Others: …

Jenna2: Having some paranoia for breakfast, Mija?

Mija: No, actually I'm having…what was the question? –dances-

Septimus: Now what?

Jenna1: Well, this is totally defying time and space and all that crap, but…we're bringing in Nicko and Snorri.

Everyone: YAY! MOAR PEOPLE!

Moon: …

Mija: -squashed between two people- I feeeel…_violated._

Jenna1: -pats- Of course you do.

Mija: Don't touch me.

Is poked repeatedly by everyone.

Censored sign comes up.

Nicko: Um. How many times does this happen per chapter?

Jenna2: -from behind censored sign- Usually around four.

Snorri: Joy.

…

…

…

…

Censored sign goes away.

Everyone is nursing broken limbs.

Mija is grinning insanely again.

Mija: And dat's for not coming up wit da moneh!

Septimus: OW…

Beetle: I fear…

Mija: FEAR ME, MORTALS. FOR I AM SUPERMAN! –flies into sky-

Jenna1: SO AM I! –flies-

Moon: When in Rome…-flies-

…

…

…

…

Beetle: SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING!

…

Beetle: Or I'm going to sing again.

Septimus: ISN'T IT SUCH LOVELY WEATHER WE'RE HAVING??!!

Jenna2: OH YES IT IS QUITE EXCEPTIONAL!!

Mija: -crashlands- Ow…maybe my powers wear off at 16,000 feet. Hey, donuts!

Mija commences to eat a whole 12-pack of sugared donuts…

Mija: What the hell is up with that guy's accent? He's not even Australian. But his dad is. Maybe. Or it could be his mum. I have no idea.

…

…

Mija: HE'S GER—

Spit Fyre: -whacks her away-

Mija: -while flying away- MY FEET TASTE LIKE BOWLING BALLS!

Spit Fyre: I hate these random kids.

Is whacked on the head repeatedly with a teddy bear.

Filled with rocks.

Spit Fyre: OW! CRAPFUCK! THAT HURTS!!

Sisters: :)

Mija: You know, guys, your series is filled with comedy.

Septimus: -sarcasm- How so?

Mija: -matter-of-factly- Well, it's like a teenage soap opera, see, because the guy is too afraid to ask the girl out, and whenever she acts _overly_ nice, he—

Beetle blasts off with a nosebleed.

Sisters crack up and fall over.

Septimus: I hate you.

Mija: :D

Septimus: STOP PUTTING EMOTICONS IN YOUR---D

…

…

Septimus: -squinty eyes- Youuu SUCK.

Mija: ^w^

Spit Fyre: HEY! The chapter's done! Now we can kill each other freely!

Moon: On three…

Mija waves goodbye.

Jenna1: THREE!

Everyone pounces.

Camera shuts down.

**A/N: Just wanted to say that if you know where all of Mija's quotes come from, you get cookies. G'day.**


End file.
